Dead Relatives as Jewelry?

This is kind of weird. Creepy almost. I suppose it’s better than some kid from Sierra Leone losing an arm in a diamond mine so you can put some useless rock onto the hand of your equally useless wife-to-be. I say she’s useless because, by expecting a diamond for an engagement ring, she is actually determining how much you love her by how much you are willing to spend on a piece of jewelry. If they were quality people, they would just say something like: “Why not just go spend the 3 months’ salary you were going to spend on a ring and put it in an I.R.A. for our future?” They might even say: “save that 3 months’ salary for a nursery for our baby or a savings account for our children’s college tuition?” But no, they have to have a rock. Who are these silly people, Wilma Flintstone wannabees? Do we all live in Bedrock all of a sudden? Forgive me if I’m mistaken, but I thought we’d progressed beyond the need as a species for pointless and vanity-laden decoration.

The same goes for all of these rappers and their “bling”. They’re even more useless than these goofy people who need a diamond as an affirmation of love. They’re more useless because there isn’t even any historical precedent for what they do. It’s nothing but a status symbol. Why do they need a ring that covers the entire top of their hand and spells out their rapper name? Why do they need a Rolex watch covered in diamonds when a Timex will do? Why do they need a 1-inch-thick platinum chain that is 3 feet long with a diamond-encrusted 9 MM as a pendant? Why not just buy the same thing in cubic Zirconium? It looks the same but costs a tenth of the price. Take the other nine-tenths and put it into a money-market account for Christ’s sake! Lord knows your fame and fortune isn't going to last.