I Didn’t Screw Her and That Kid’s Not Mine, I Swear It!

I am livid. Simply livid.

As you all know, I started therapy a few weeks ago. Already, I have had to miss one appointment because of my job and the incompetence of my co-worker. Now, I have to miss another one. Not only that, but I also have to work out the entire remainder of the week and Christmas Eve with no help at all because of this same co-worker.

Let me begin by stating some facts about this person. He is a 59-year-old man who has a 45-year-old wife. This wife has 7 children, 4 of which are under the age of 18. He (we’ll call him “Joe”) and his wife (we’ll call her “tits on a boar hog” as in useless) have been married for 4 years now and he has been with the company I work for (which shall remain nameless) for a little over 1 year. During the course of this past year, his wife has quit two jobs and been fired from one, which was her most recent. She was terminated for excessive absenteeism. This is a result of having so many kids. Well, it’s actually because she is one of those people that feels like she should stay at home any time one of her children has the sniffles. With 6 (tits on a boar hog, Joe and their 4 short, retarded people who refuse to pay rent) people living in a 3 bedroom house, the sniffles never really go away. Within the span of 90 days, this woman missed 15 days! You read that right, 15 days! That adds up to 3 days for each child and 3 for herself. Granted, she has some female health problems, but she didn’t take all of those days off for herself.

This would have no bearing on me, except that Joe takes time off from work so that he can “take care of her”. Goddamn you fucking piece of shit, she 45 goddamned years old! Has she not figured out how to take care of herself after this much time?!?!? It’s not my fault that she used her vulva as if it were a Pez dispenser! Typically, after the first couple of kids you figure out what causes that condition and you take precautions. But not this silly twat. No, she expects everyone else to take up her slack and to make special arrangements for her as if she were somehow handicapped. She actually complained about her new employer firing her with a tone of righteous indignation. Sorry you fucking idiot, I should not have to work myself into an early grave because you were too stupid to say no or use a fucking condom and your new husband is silly enough to marry your immature and selfish ass. Your employer should not have to grant you more time off simply because you didn’t have sense enough to close your legs. It’s not my fault that every time you have a sore vagina that you have to stay at home and your husband of the old balls has to take care of you like you were his child instead of his wife. Maybe, just maybe, if you didn’t spend so much time using your uterus like it was a fetal storage unit your pussy wouldn’t hurt so badly! Did you ever think of that? Her youngest child is 11 and her oldest is 21. That means she spent about 10 years of her life pregnant or recovering from pregnancy. I’m starting to think that she was the role model for the Cabbage Patch Kids factory. When kids’ parents told the story of babies being found underneath a cabbage leaf, the cabbage leaf was just a euphemism for this woman.

Don’t get me wrong, I totally get the idea of wanting to take care of your wife when she’s sick or injured. However, at some point enough has to be enough. If my wife were seriously ill and needed my help, you can bet your ass that I would do everything I could to take care of her and provide for her. What I wouldn’t do, however, is expect that everyone else is going to make unnecessary sacrifices so that I may do so or that I will be granted special privileges from my employer. The world just doesn’t work that way. What makes this situation worse is that Joe ran out of paid time off about 3 months ago and is now being granted a week’s time off with pay right before Christmas. When we scheduled our vacation times earlier this year, I was told I could not have time off at Christmas because I did not have the seniority to do it and that I would have to wait my turn. Joe was hired at the same pay rate that I was and was granted more PTO than I receive and was hired a year after me. Now he is getting a paid week off simply because his wife’s pussy is falling out and she needs a hysterectomy (typically an outpatient procedure, mind you) right before the holidays. Now that I think about it, his wife also had a “procedure” scheduled right before Thanksgiving as well. Seems mighty coincidental, eh? Fuck it. What can I do?

Oh, and did I mention that I was livid?

**My apologies if the preceding rant offended anyone. It was not meant to be sexist in any way.

Merry Christmas!

I’ve been sitting back and watching a handful of situations as of late. Watching these situations has led me to ask a few questions.

The first thing that I observed is that Americans spent a total of $20 BILLION dollars in one day on the day after Thanksgiving. This actually leads me to several questions. Why do we need to spend that much money over the course of one 24-hour period? Why couldn’t we be satisfied with spending only $10 billion and either giving the other $10 billion to charity or just saving it for retirement? If we can afford to spend that kind of money in one day on what amounts to future land fill, then why are so many people in foreclosure on their homes and why are there so many people filing for bankruptcy?

Another thing I have noticed is that people are donating their hard-earned dollars to political campaigns. This is not a bad thing in and of itself. But let’s look at the amount of money being donated and spent during the campaigns for President in 2008. According to OpenSecrets.org, the combined total spent (for the third quarter) on the Democrat side of the campaign is $133,516,245 with cash on hand in the amount of $110,888,289. On the Republican side of this, the total spent is $132,445,115 with cash on hand in the amount of $42,921,787. In terms of donations, the Democrats had a total of $244,404,140 and Republicans had $175,336,955; each of these figures spanning the entire length of the campaign by the end of the third quarter. This means that American corporations and people donated a total of $419,741,095 to Presidential campaigns. I think that this is funny considering that, much like the Highlander, there can be only one. The race for the Presidency has effectively turned into a gigantic horse race, with corporations representing the hardcore gambling junkie. I think that it’s kind of sickening to know that Americans have this kind of money to just effectively throw away, yet there are still homeless people here. It’s sickening to think that we have this kind of disposable money, yet the education system is falling apart. It’s sickening to think that we have all of this disposable money floating around, yet we cannot work on an alternative fuel source in order reduce our dependency on foreign oil. It makes no sense to me.

Let’s focus on the homeless problem for the moment. It was estimated that there were approximately 750,000 homeless people in the United States this year. If we (as in American people and corporations) were to reduce the amount that we donated (according to the stats I quoted previously) to political campaigns by 50% and committed this amount to the cause of eradicating homelessness, we would have $209,870,547.50 going toward this cause. This only amounts to $279 per person, but it’s better than nothing, which is what you get when you donate to a losing political campaign. Let’s add the amounts that I spoke of in the beginning of this blog, which is how much was spent in one day of holiday shopping. The amount was $20 billion. Reduce it by 50% and split that total among 750,000 people and you get more than $13,000 per person. That’s a pretty significant amount. If 4 of those people are a family, that’s $52,000, which is more than enough to pay the rent on an apartment for a year. Hell, that’s probably enough to pay their grocery bill and most of their bills for basic living expenses altogether for a year. How many families do you know who live on less than that right now? Thinking about it, every family I know right now lives on less than that. I’m one of them. I’ve lived on less than that my entire life.

I think that the major problem with we Americans is that we try too hard to live the “American Dream”. This dream is great, but not when it comes at the expense of other people. We are so busy trying to be this new and bastardized version of what we think an American is supposed to be that we have forgotten that we are human first. I think that we need to drop the superiority complex and adopt an equality complex. Sorry, but your kid doesn’t have a need for a $500 gaming system when the kid down the street doesn’t have enough food to eat even though their parents are doing everything they can. Your kid doesn’t need new $100 Nike sneakers when the soles of the shoes on the kid down the street are being held in place by duct tape and Shoe Goo and are 2 sizes too small. Your kid doesn’t need a $200 Starter jacket when the kid down the street doesn’t even have heat in his house. Think about these things. So many people spend so much time worrying about what kind of gift they are going to buy their loved one for the holidays. They never stop to think that they are giving out gifts to people on a day that is not their birthday. The real gift is reflection on your life and recognizing just how fortunate you really are to be alive, healthy and surrounded by people who care about you.

Oh, and if you are one of those assholes that gets pissed off when a person says “Merry Christmas” when you are not a person who celebrates Christmas… FUCK YOU, you FUCKING DICKHEAD! You should be glad that they didn’t just spit in your face, kick you in the crotch, punch you in the throat and steal your wallet. If I say Merry Christmas and you get indignant about it, you’re likely to get all of the above from me, minus the stealing of your wallet just because I’m not a thief.

Dead Relatives as Jewelry?

This is kind of weird. Creepy almost. I suppose it’s better than some kid from Sierra Leone losing an arm in a diamond mine so you can put some useless rock onto the hand of your equally useless wife-to-be. I say she’s useless because, by expecting a diamond for an engagement ring, she is actually determining how much you love her by how much you are willing to spend on a piece of jewelry. If they were quality people, they would just say something like: “Why not just go spend the 3 months’ salary you were going to spend on a ring and put it in an I.R.A. for our future?” They might even say: “save that 3 months’ salary for a nursery for our baby or a savings account for our children’s college tuition?” But no, they have to have a rock. Who are these silly people, Wilma Flintstone wannabees? Do we all live in Bedrock all of a sudden? Forgive me if I’m mistaken, but I thought we’d progressed beyond the need as a species for pointless and vanity-laden decoration.

The same goes for all of these rappers and their “bling”. They’re even more useless than these goofy people who need a diamond as an affirmation of love. They’re more useless because there isn’t even any historical precedent for what they do. It’s nothing but a status symbol. Why do they need a ring that covers the entire top of their hand and spells out their rapper name? Why do they need a Rolex watch covered in diamonds when a Timex will do? Why do they need a 1-inch-thick platinum chain that is 3 feet long with a diamond-encrusted 9 MM as a pendant? Why not just buy the same thing in cubic Zirconium? It looks the same but costs a tenth of the price. Take the other nine-tenths and put it into a money-market account for Christ’s sake! Lord knows your fame and fortune isn't going to last.